My Experience With Post Wedding Blues & What Caused It

Yes, post wedding blues. Post wedding blues, a term you may be unfamiliar with, happens to several women. I'm included in this group of several women. I struggled with post wedding blues for several months after our wedding.

I felt compelled to write about this because I feel not many women talked with me about it, and I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and not feel that we have to lie about our experience to match what we believe society expects us to feel after getting married. Sometimes it is tempting to want to feel the "right" thing. But, in reality, there isn't a "right" way to feel. Many times we feel certain feelings, that we may not want to feel, because of underlying factors. Many times those underlying factors are thoughts/ beliefs that we have not addressed.

When I was much younger, I believed that after the wedding there would be a blissful period when life felt complete, beautiful, and perfect. Boy, was I wrong. I am not sure where I got this idea of life after the wedding, but I went into post wedding life with these expectations in mind.

Which is why I think it is important to be honest with ourselves about our expectations. Challenging these expectations:

• Why do I expect this?

• Who taught me to expect this?

• What could go wrong if I continue expecting this?

I think it is important to keep in mind that we all manage emotions, expectations, and disappointments differently. I usually have high expectations and tend to be disappointed. Soon after my husband and I married, I fell into a depression.

I was depressed for a number of reasons:

The wedding planning was over and I didn't know what to do with myself. I spent so much time planning for our wedding day and not enough time planning for managing expectations, emotions, and disappointments.

Wedding planning can be so much fun, but it is important to keep in mind that this is just a season in life. The fairytale, emotions, and tasks will be over after the wedding day. I don't say this to crush this season. I say this to simply reiterate that it is not reality. Many times, we want our wedding to be a perfect, blissful day.. But, the truth is that it isn't reality. Love is the "small things" you do for each other. It is choosing my husband when I don't feel like choosing him. It is so tempting sometimes to want to validate your relationship with this outward celebration full of perfection, fancy wine glasses, and tasteful food.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I fell into this trap. I thought that the wedding had to be this perfect expression of our love. I felt ashamed for a while after our wedding was over because my wedding wasn't the fanciest. I spent so much time planning for this outward expression of our "love," and when it was over I was like...now what?

I felt empty and directionless after the wedding. Almost like wedding planning became like a drug and now I was without it.

I felt empty and directionless after the wedding. Almost like wedding planning became like a drug and now I was without it. It was so addicting to scroll through Pinterest to get ideas for our wedding. It was so addicting to talk about this all day with my friends and family. And, it was so addicting to be able to say that I was going to get married. I felt sad for several weeks. I did feel relief after completing this big task, but I missed it.

I was unhappy at our humble beginnings. I didn't live with my husband before we got married. So, once we got married, I moved in. We were living in a not-so-great "apartment." I dreaded it because it wasn't pretty and I was struggling to feel good in our space. Though this was shallow, it was what I experienced. I had a difficulty finding the good in the season of life we were in. Unfortunately, it happened.

I kept seeing all over Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest all of these beautiful homes. While our place was in a separate, small home on someone else's property. This home had only one window and was outdated. It also had a bug problem. This affected me so much. I felt so unhappy. Thankfully, we only lived there for a total of 7 months.

I am currently writing this from our office in our own purchased home. Looking back, I wish I would've been more patient and understanding of the fact that we were not going to be there forever. It was just a short season. Now we own our very own home! I am grateful now for those humble beginnings.

What now? Now that we are actually together and not wedding planning, what should we do? How many times a week should we have sex? Who is cooking? What should we cook for dinner? Oh boy, I remember I was trying to navigate this new life. I felt overwhelmed at all of these changes that occurred at the same time. I moved into a new place with my husband and now I had to acclimate to being a wife and the responsibilities that being a wife brings. I must admit, I struggled with this a lot. I was so accustomed to doing things only for myself and now I had to consider another person. I failed at this so many times, and felt this change in responsibility from me to us heavily on my shoulders.

Because of these reasons, I fell into a deep depression during our first several months of being married. I felt I had made a mistake. My mindset was: " if he was the one wouldn't he make me happy?" I am grateful that I was able to move passed this wretched season in my life of depression, hopelessness, confusion, and selfishness. I felt I made a mistake because I was experiencing so many different life changes and "negative" emotions.

When you first get married there are so many different life changes and responsibilities and I did not know how to handle them. I started to think the worst! The truth is that life changed for us. I love my husband now more than I did when we chose to get married. Our home is simple and wonderful. I know my place as a wife and feel confident in my ability to honor this responsibility. I am honored that God has allowed me to be a wife to my wonderful husband.

I tried to express my experience, and I hope this helps bring some sort of comfort if you are experiencing post wedding blues. I know it may be a difficult season but there is an end to it.

Much love and many blessings,

Vanessa S.