you're engaged! now what? some advice for the engagement period

omg! the moment you've been waiting for since probably before you met your fiance!

congrats on your engagement! I'm sure you're feeling all the butterflies and tingly emotions or maybe you're feeling fear and excitement at the same time. whichever emotions you are feeling I completely understand. navigating the engagement stage is full of so many different emotions & to-do lists that sometimes it can distract from the prep work of marriage. i want to make this list a quick read because i hate going on a blog and trying to just scroll through the wordy introductions.

the best advice I can offer prior to getting married is these 5

1. LISTEN TO THE ADVICE OF OTHER MARRIED WOMEN, yes I wrote that in bold on purpose. I think many of us brush off advice and say things "that won't happen to me/us" but it sure can! So listen to good advice. I didn't want to listen because I thought I knew it all, especially since I went to school for family & human development and I had to take marriage and family courses. But, it is always good to listen and take some good advice. after all we just want to see your marriage succeed.

2. navigate through unspoken thoughts/concerns/emotions before tying the knot. the engagement stage can be so distracting for such great reasons! But, if you had any lingering concerns, thoughts, or emotions now is the time to start setting up that foundation for your marriage. Talk about fears or thoughts you may be wrestling with.

3. don't focus too much on the wedding day. I know as women we love to create and make things beautiful and appealing. this is a great quality, but don't make your wedding day all about that! one of the reoccurring themes in my marriage and family courses is that the more money spent on the wedding the higher the chances of divorce are. Focus on what matters! believe me. Additionally, the wedding industry is probably losing its touch and they are probably focused on efforts to make a great, lavish wedding seem appealing. Focus on how to make this day special for you and your spouse. It's not about impressing family or making sure that the day is Pinterest perfect, it is about your pending unity with your groom.

4. start thinking about when you want to have kids... yes, think about this. if you don't want to have kids any time soon, consider birth control methods to use when you begin having sex. this is important. The first two years of marriage are crucial to setting the foundation for communication and adjusting to living with a different person. although pregnancy is a beautiful gift, consider being intentional about when you would want to grow your family. I highly recommend waiting some time before having kids & planning for that. Whether it is birth control pills, implants (read about my Nexplanon implant experience), or natural methods.

5. talk about expectations you may have with your fiance.. for example, some good talking points to consider when navigating expectations are XYZ living expectations, financial expectations, career development expectations, chores expectations, etc.. talk about this stuff. Make clear what may seem ambiguous. To be more specific, if your fiancé expects you to live somewhere that you may not feel comfortable with, communicate that. "hey, my expectation is not to live in XYZ for more than 6 months." or "I expect to be able to continue to pursue school after getting married, what do you think about that?" Obviously, this may not be your situation, but those are just examples of communicating your expectations for life after marriage (read about some mistakes I've made in marriage here).